Nov. 2012
Monday, October 13, 2008
Go Rays
the boys with their Rayhawks. If you don't know, some of the players on the Rays' baseball team have mohawaks, so in celebration of their success many many people around Tampa Bay have gotten "Rayhawks".
First Triathlon
Well I did it!! I completed my first triathlon this weekend. It was a sprint Triathlon consisting of a 600 meter swim (a bit less than 1/2 mile), 10 mile run, and 3.1 mile run. The race was at Cypress Gardens in Winter Haven Florida. The swim was in the lake at the Gardens where they do water ski shows. The bike was on the major roads outside the Gardens and the run was in the gardens. It was a lot of fun. I did well for my first time, especially on the swim portion. I also had great time. Sandy (my mother in law) completed the race with me, but we started at different times so we didn't actually race alongside one another. We stayed the night in Winter Haven in a hotel the night before and played at Cypress Gardens after the race before coming home.
I woke up at 5 a.m. and got ready while Kyle and the kids slept. I met up with Sandy, David and Grandma Temple at 5:30 to go down to the race. From 5:30-7:30 a.m. Sandy and I got our transition station (bike, shoes, gels, race number, etc) ready, walked some of the course, ate a bit and went to the bathroom many many times. We started the race with the swim at about 7:50 a.m. Sandy started one wave before me and I was the last wave to go based on my fat tire bike. I finished the swim in 18:08, bike in 44:18, and run in 34:11. The swim was probably the most challenging as I've never done an open swim before. The water was really dark and you have keep sighting the next buoy to stay on course. The bike had some hills I didn't expect but it was a lot of fun. I'm hoping to have a road/ triathlon bike the next time I complete to shave some minutes off this time. The run was hard and actually a bit emotional as I knew I could finish it out and saw so many different people working so hard to finish as well.
Sandy and I were so lucky to have our family there to cheer us on. Sam (Kyle's brother) and Amber came down from Kentucky. Grandma Temple, David, Kyle and the kids all came to watch. They drove up to the bike start just as I was getting on my bike. My chain fell off so I was really grateful for the timing as Sam talked me through how to fix it. They moved to the transition area and were there to cheer us on as we went from biking to running and ran to the finish line. Since I had such a good time and I really like exercising with a goal to shoot for, I'm hoping to try another triathlon in the spring.
Afterwards we had a great time going through Cypress Gardens with the family. They have wonderful rides for the kids. All three kids and adults got to go on some rides.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Therapy Complete
Two years ago in October we began Reactive Attachment Therapy with Prema. We will never forget the day. Every October the neighbor's palm tree seeds fall to ground. (We take care of their lawn while they are at home in Canada 6 months of the year.) Prema had recently been diagnosed with RAD by a LMHC (therapist), but she herself didn't know much about the disorder beyond the symptoms. Through some research and a recommendation by an acquaintance we had come to know about Nancy Thomas. We quickly ordered as much as we could from the attachment web site and began watching countless hours of video detailing the therapy we needed to begin. As soon as we finished the videos, we began the therapy with no idea what was really going to happen. We had to make huge changes to the way we were parenting Prema.
One of the changes was getting Prema to complete 30 minutes of chores a day. So on day one we began with the simple chore of picking up the palm seeds from the ground. What seemed like a small task for a 7 year old (really 9) turned out to be a 3 day stand off with Prema refusing. I remember the countless times we second guessed the situation. We had a language barrier so we marked off the area with rope to make sure she knew how much she had to pick up. We modeled the process over and over again picking up seeds, putting them in a small bucket and emptying the bucket into the trash can. We had to literally camp outside all day long until dark because she had no language to tell us when she was ready to start to work. We also had another child in the house that needed attention and Prema who couldn't be left outside alone. We kept Prema out of school until she picked them up because we were determined to win the battle. Kyle had to stay home from work so that we could share the duty of watching Isaac and Prema. We frantically were trying to find a therapist in the area that knew something about RAD and therapy techniques. It was a nightmare.
Eventually we did find a therapist. There is only on person in our entire county that does proper attachment therapy. Luckily she was able to see us quickly and we began what became a 2 year journey of therapy toward healing Prema helping her attach to us. Last week we determined that Prema should be discharged. It was a joyous and sad moment all at the same time. I remember watching those videos and hearing of how children heal from RAD. I would envision our family and Prema with healing. At that time a "healed Prema" was a completely normal child with deafness. Prema is still very far from normal. But she is very different than what she was 2 years ago. Two years ago we couldn't get her to sit in our laps without kicking and fighting. Now she accepts all of our affection and gives affection herself. Two years ago Prema would pee the bed every night and would destroy things in rage. Now she does neither. Two years ago she would refuse to do chores for days, now she only says "no" once in a while but is quick to change when her mind when we give her a disapproving look or a choice to receive a consequence.
It has been an exhausting two years. I don't think I've every experienced so many emotions about one thing: rage, embarrassment, joy, anger, frustration, hopelessness, hope, despair, excitement, etc. I have been brought out of my comfort zone so many times during this process. I have also learned a TON.
For two years we have put everything we have (time, money, and energy) in to "healing" Prema. As you spend time in the season of searching for answers and solutions its hard to ever come to a place of full acceptance. But as all of Prema's therapies are coming to an end (attachment, physical therapy, neurofeedback) it becomes time to stop hoping for some of your dreams and just accept her. As I am realizing my dream of a "normal Prema" is probably not going to be a reality, I'm learning even more than before how awful neglect really is. When you're in the midst of therapies there is hope that with hard work, love, and perseverance you can wipe away the past. But now as Prema is attached to us and comfortable in our family and America reality sets in: you can take the child out of India, but India will still be a part of her. You can take the child out of a neglectful situation but the affects of neglect will always remain. Prema is always going to be socially awkward, a slow learner, and a challenge to parent. But in the midsts of knowing these things I must accept it and find a balance of maintaining high expectations for her to always desire to achieve more. Sometimes this is a daunting task.
One of the changes was getting Prema to complete 30 minutes of chores a day. So on day one we began with the simple chore of picking up the palm seeds from the ground. What seemed like a small task for a 7 year old (really 9) turned out to be a 3 day stand off with Prema refusing. I remember the countless times we second guessed the situation. We had a language barrier so we marked off the area with rope to make sure she knew how much she had to pick up. We modeled the process over and over again picking up seeds, putting them in a small bucket and emptying the bucket into the trash can. We had to literally camp outside all day long until dark because she had no language to tell us when she was ready to start to work. We also had another child in the house that needed attention and Prema who couldn't be left outside alone. We kept Prema out of school until she picked them up because we were determined to win the battle. Kyle had to stay home from work so that we could share the duty of watching Isaac and Prema. We frantically were trying to find a therapist in the area that knew something about RAD and therapy techniques. It was a nightmare.
Eventually we did find a therapist. There is only on person in our entire county that does proper attachment therapy. Luckily she was able to see us quickly and we began what became a 2 year journey of therapy toward healing Prema helping her attach to us. Last week we determined that Prema should be discharged. It was a joyous and sad moment all at the same time. I remember watching those videos and hearing of how children heal from RAD. I would envision our family and Prema with healing. At that time a "healed Prema" was a completely normal child with deafness. Prema is still very far from normal. But she is very different than what she was 2 years ago. Two years ago we couldn't get her to sit in our laps without kicking and fighting. Now she accepts all of our affection and gives affection herself. Two years ago Prema would pee the bed every night and would destroy things in rage. Now she does neither. Two years ago she would refuse to do chores for days, now she only says "no" once in a while but is quick to change when her mind when we give her a disapproving look or a choice to receive a consequence.
It has been an exhausting two years. I don't think I've every experienced so many emotions about one thing: rage, embarrassment, joy, anger, frustration, hopelessness, hope, despair, excitement, etc. I have been brought out of my comfort zone so many times during this process. I have also learned a TON.
For two years we have put everything we have (time, money, and energy) in to "healing" Prema. As you spend time in the season of searching for answers and solutions its hard to ever come to a place of full acceptance. But as all of Prema's therapies are coming to an end (attachment, physical therapy, neurofeedback) it becomes time to stop hoping for some of your dreams and just accept her. As I am realizing my dream of a "normal Prema" is probably not going to be a reality, I'm learning even more than before how awful neglect really is. When you're in the midst of therapies there is hope that with hard work, love, and perseverance you can wipe away the past. But now as Prema is attached to us and comfortable in our family and America reality sets in: you can take the child out of India, but India will still be a part of her. You can take the child out of a neglectful situation but the affects of neglect will always remain. Prema is always going to be socially awkward, a slow learner, and a challenge to parent. But in the midsts of knowing these things I must accept it and find a balance of maintaining high expectations for her to always desire to achieve more. Sometimes this is a daunting task.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Celebrating Fall
Last week we made fall pumpkin/ jack o lantern shirts with the kids. Thankfully Kyle was there to help with another one of my craft ideas. I have a habit of skimming the directions and thinking i know what I am doing only to find out I am wrong and panic. Kyle had to fix the dye mixture and Prema's outline (which originally looked more like a dog than a pumpkin). Kyle and I also have orange tie-dyed shirts but we haven't added the jack o lantern face. Isaac wants to wear his shirt every day and requests we wear them at the same time.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
New Things for Me
Today marked the beginning of two new things for me; both of which bring a bit of anxiety.
I have been asked by a special task force (Director and Assistant Director of Adoptions for Pinellas County Florida and our adotion attachment therapy LMHC) to start an adoption support group for Pinellas County Florida. Throughout the years Child Welfare has come to see a huge need for support for families that have just adopted. Families have been calling several years after an adoption is finalized to dissolve the adoption either because it is the only way to get a child the services they need or because the family can no longer raise the child mostly due to emotional/ behavioral reasons. The hope is that an adoption support group would become a preventative solution to these problems. So I have enthusiastically (with some anxiety) agreed to begin this group. So far things have come into place beautifully. We have a place to meet every 4th Monday evening of the month and I have a great friend and experienced adoptive mother as my assistant. Out first meeting will be October 27 (my birthday). Many adoptive families will be invited this coming month...we shall see how many come and what are their needs. I am every excited for this opportunity. I have become extremely passionate about adoption, children with emotional needs due to neglect and trauma, and yearn to help adoptive families who are struggling to become whole.
This evening I registered for my first triathlon. I will be competing in the Publix Family Fitness Cypress Gardens Sprint Triathlon October 11. I am very nervous. I have been trying to fit training in as much as possible. I have swam a number of times and do pretty well. I have biked 3 or 4 long rides towing the boys behind me. And I have been running about 3 times a week usually pushing Eli in the stroller. So we'll see how I do. I am only trying to finish and have FUN. The FUN part is really a challenge for me as I make everything so competitive and set such high expectations for myself. So we shall see. Wish me luck.
I have been asked by a special task force (Director and Assistant Director of Adoptions for Pinellas County Florida and our adotion attachment therapy LMHC) to start an adoption support group for Pinellas County Florida. Throughout the years Child Welfare has come to see a huge need for support for families that have just adopted. Families have been calling several years after an adoption is finalized to dissolve the adoption either because it is the only way to get a child the services they need or because the family can no longer raise the child mostly due to emotional/ behavioral reasons. The hope is that an adoption support group would become a preventative solution to these problems. So I have enthusiastically (with some anxiety) agreed to begin this group. So far things have come into place beautifully. We have a place to meet every 4th Monday evening of the month and I have a great friend and experienced adoptive mother as my assistant. Out first meeting will be October 27 (my birthday). Many adoptive families will be invited this coming month...we shall see how many come and what are their needs. I am every excited for this opportunity. I have become extremely passionate about adoption, children with emotional needs due to neglect and trauma, and yearn to help adoptive families who are struggling to become whole.
This evening I registered for my first triathlon. I will be competing in the Publix Family Fitness Cypress Gardens Sprint Triathlon October 11. I am very nervous. I have been trying to fit training in as much as possible. I have swam a number of times and do pretty well. I have biked 3 or 4 long rides towing the boys behind me. And I have been running about 3 times a week usually pushing Eli in the stroller. So we'll see how I do. I am only trying to finish and have FUN. The FUN part is really a challenge for me as I make everything so competitive and set such high expectations for myself. So we shall see. Wish me luck.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Long Overdue Update
We've had our computer back for a while now but I haven't taken the time to update this blog. Sorry for the delay if you have been waiting.
Once a week since our return from India 3 1/2 years ago we have Community Dinner with Kyle's parents. Sometimes it ends up being just us but the many times we have others join us. Kyle's mom always does the cooking and once in a while she will spice it up a bit with a themed meal. A month ago she saw an interesting recipe for green eggs and ham and wanted to try it. Below is a picture from our DR.SUESS meal/ silly meal. The green eggs and ham were AWESOME by the way.
We were very excited about the Olympics this year. I always am but it was the first Summer Olympics that Kyle and I were watching together. We were also very excited to share it with Isaac and Prema as they have become swimmers and cyclists themselves. We started our Olympic view at Kyle's parents house watching the opening ceremonies and continued spending many late late nights at their house watching swimming, gymnastics, beach volleyball, diving, track and field. We all loved it!!! Prema and Isaac would take their enthusiasm with them to the ppol and pretend to be Michael Phelps diving off the block, swimming and winning complete with ecstatic splashing of the water and fist pumps. On our Community Dinner night Sandy prepared an Olympic meal. The kids made Olympic rings for the decorations and Sandy cooked all Chinese food to eat. We drew Olympic rings on the kids' faces and arms too. Then we finished the evening watching some Olympic competition.
I've been reorganizing the house a bit. We decided to make our dining room into a place for the kids to create whatever they want whenever (they have to ask to use the supplies before starting). So we bought some new shelving and got all of our craft supplies out and in clear storage containers so the kids would be more inspired to create. We still have to finish making the "GALLERY WALL" but our front door is sufficient for now. In one of my craft kid magazines I found a recipe for EDIBLE paint. I mixed some up for Eli and let him go. As soon as I said it was edible (using that word too) Eli picked up the bowl and started drinking it. He had a blast.
Other updates:
The kids are still loving to swim every day. Isaac is a fish. He has a really good track start and can swim really far without taking a breath. He is working on his butterfly and backstroke. All of his attempts are very cute. Prema's front crawl is looking much smoother. She is also doing fairly well with backstroke. She is really trying hard to make it one length of the pool without needing someone to give her a rest stop. Eli is crazy at the pool. He is exploring new things all the time.
Isaac is 100% self sufficient at riding a 2 wheel bike now. He rides his bike 3 times a week for 3 miles next to me while I run and never gets tired. Prema is riding but struggling to start herself and come to a complete stop before putting her feet down. Her week abs and legs are really causing some difficulty with those two things.
Prema is doing really well at school full time. She's had a few off days but for the most part her behavior at home and school has been quite good. The school continues to be very supportive of our wants and her needs. Its very nice to have so much collaboration. The boys and I are starting to get into a good routine while Prema is at school. Its really nice to have more time to focus on them.
Eli has started to sign a lot of words. Any time we show him a new sign he tries it right away now. A lot of his signs are starting to look the same as he can't make the fine finger details happen, but its very cute. Eli is also finally loving shoes. We discovered he has a double wide (almost triple wide) foot so all the other shoes I was putting on him were not comfortable. His new shoes he loves and stomps around in them all the time.
hopefully it won't be so long before i post again.
Once a week since our return from India 3 1/2 years ago we have Community Dinner with Kyle's parents. Sometimes it ends up being just us but the many times we have others join us. Kyle's mom always does the cooking and once in a while she will spice it up a bit with a themed meal. A month ago she saw an interesting recipe for green eggs and ham and wanted to try it. Below is a picture from our DR.SUESS meal/ silly meal. The green eggs and ham were AWESOME by the way.
We were very excited about the Olympics this year. I always am but it was the first Summer Olympics that Kyle and I were watching together. We were also very excited to share it with Isaac and Prema as they have become swimmers and cyclists themselves. We started our Olympic view at Kyle's parents house watching the opening ceremonies and continued spending many late late nights at their house watching swimming, gymnastics, beach volleyball, diving, track and field. We all loved it!!! Prema and Isaac would take their enthusiasm with them to the ppol and pretend to be Michael Phelps diving off the block, swimming and winning complete with ecstatic splashing of the water and fist pumps. On our Community Dinner night Sandy prepared an Olympic meal. The kids made Olympic rings for the decorations and Sandy cooked all Chinese food to eat. We drew Olympic rings on the kids' faces and arms too. Then we finished the evening watching some Olympic competition.
I've been reorganizing the house a bit. We decided to make our dining room into a place for the kids to create whatever they want whenever (they have to ask to use the supplies before starting). So we bought some new shelving and got all of our craft supplies out and in clear storage containers so the kids would be more inspired to create. We still have to finish making the "GALLERY WALL" but our front door is sufficient for now. In one of my craft kid magazines I found a recipe for EDIBLE paint. I mixed some up for Eli and let him go. As soon as I said it was edible (using that word too) Eli picked up the bowl and started drinking it. He had a blast.
Other updates:
The kids are still loving to swim every day. Isaac is a fish. He has a really good track start and can swim really far without taking a breath. He is working on his butterfly and backstroke. All of his attempts are very cute. Prema's front crawl is looking much smoother. She is also doing fairly well with backstroke. She is really trying hard to make it one length of the pool without needing someone to give her a rest stop. Eli is crazy at the pool. He is exploring new things all the time.
Isaac is 100% self sufficient at riding a 2 wheel bike now. He rides his bike 3 times a week for 3 miles next to me while I run and never gets tired. Prema is riding but struggling to start herself and come to a complete stop before putting her feet down. Her week abs and legs are really causing some difficulty with those two things.
Prema is doing really well at school full time. She's had a few off days but for the most part her behavior at home and school has been quite good. The school continues to be very supportive of our wants and her needs. Its very nice to have so much collaboration. The boys and I are starting to get into a good routine while Prema is at school. Its really nice to have more time to focus on them.
Eli has started to sign a lot of words. Any time we show him a new sign he tries it right away now. A lot of his signs are starting to look the same as he can't make the fine finger details happen, but its very cute. Eli is also finally loving shoes. We discovered he has a double wide (almost triple wide) foot so all the other shoes I was putting on him were not comfortable. His new shoes he loves and stomps around in them all the time.
hopefully it won't be so long before i post again.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Without Computer
Once again it has been a while since I blogged. We're still busy here in Florida, but without a computer. While we were watching some Olympic streamed video our computer froze. I ended up having to manually shut it down and it never started correctly again. The hard drive motor died and thus we were denied access to anything on the computer. The good news is that it is still under warranty and we will get it back soon. The bad news is that all of our pictures and video were on it. Thankfully I had backed up all of our 2007 pictures and videos, but anything after January 1 2008 is lost. We have the "best" photos on Facebook, this blog, Flickr and Snapfish so we have some access to pictures...but our videos are lost. Oh well, I've learned my lesson I hope and when the kids are older they won't really miss the few videos that have been lost in 6 months of their lives.
Once I get the computer back I will update with pictures of the latest: Olympic party, Isaac and Prema both riding their 2 wheel bikes successfully (with some problems breaking), a Green Eggs and Ham dinner, and whatever else I can think of.
Prema starts school full time on Tuesday. I'm already creating the "Prema Handbook" for the staff that will be working with her as a refresher from my training last year and any new things to watch out for. I am struggling to lose some of the control over her life. Its a bit scary leaving her with other adults for 6+ hours of the day. Hopefully everyone will work well together and she will grow emotionally and developmentally.
Enjoy the end of Summer!
Once I get the computer back I will update with pictures of the latest: Olympic party, Isaac and Prema both riding their 2 wheel bikes successfully (with some problems breaking), a Green Eggs and Ham dinner, and whatever else I can think of.
Prema starts school full time on Tuesday. I'm already creating the "Prema Handbook" for the staff that will be working with her as a refresher from my training last year and any new things to watch out for. I am struggling to lose some of the control over her life. Its a bit scary leaving her with other adults for 6+ hours of the day. Hopefully everyone will work well together and she will grow emotionally and developmentally.
Enjoy the end of Summer!
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