This last Friday Prema and I were picking up palm tree seeds that fall once a year. As we bent over in the sun I began having flashbacks of one year ago. Last year mid October we began watching hours and hours of Reactive Attachment Disorder therapy by Nancy Thomas. (check out links on our side bar) As we watched each video we finally felt like we were beginning to understand Prema. We knew her behaviors were not like any "normal" child. Although some behaviors may seem "normal" at first glance, the intensity and duration of her behaviors are far beyond what any healthy child would do.
After watching the entire series of videos and reading a couple books we began our therapy at home. We knew that it was going to take a complete change in our life style. In Prema's situation she looked like an 8 year old, but was only emotionally functioning like an infant. She did not trust our authority at all; for the adults she loved and trusted before hurt her. She constantly was wanting attention almost always being extremely clingy. She would hug anyone she saw for the first time. She was not able to regulate her moods always becoming overstimulated. She was extremely hypervigilant always trying to figure out what was happening in order to protect herself. Until we started therapy it was like a wild animal had been let out of a cage. She was constantly touching everything, picking Isaac up and trying to carry him, falling all over the place, wetting her pants, and not able to sit still.
One year later we are not where we thought we would be, but we have made progress. We thought that Prema would be "healed". I am not competely sure what I envisioned a "healed" Prema would be. I can guess that there were visions of love, obedience, joy, fun, and "normal" family life. And so for the hope of those dreams we began the journey of healing. twice a week therapy sessions, endless books and tapes about new parenting strategies, conferences and research of additional options (Brain Gym, Play therapy, vitamin supplements, Neurofeedback, etc). rewatching Nancy Thomas videos. countless changes in plans. homeschooling. hours and hours and hours of discussions about "what went wrong just then", "how could it have been done different", "is this even working", "is this even worth it" , "how much more can we endure" ,etc. A year later we still struggle with intense anger, disappointment, and grief for the past, present, and future of things not "normal". We wonder if there will ever be a "healed" Prema and now a "healed" Cullum family.
But...unlike a year ago we do have a daughter that has been tamed. She can sit still and learn when she wants to. She can communicate with us. She is choosing to obey a good majority of the time. She is asking for hugs, head massages, and cuddle time with mom. She no longer hugs strangers and even looks at mom to see if she can talk to them. She asks for permission to play with things, touch things, etc most of the time. She helps around the house. And most importantly, she is beginning to love us and we are beginning to love her.
