Nov. 2012

Monday, October 22, 2007

A year of Therapy


This last Friday Prema and I were picking up palm tree seeds that fall once a year. As we bent over in the sun I began having flashbacks of one year ago. Last year mid October we began watching hours and hours of Reactive Attachment Disorder therapy by Nancy Thomas. (check out links on our side bar) As we watched each video we finally felt like we were beginning to understand Prema. We knew her behaviors were not like any "normal" child. Although some behaviors may seem "normal" at first glance, the intensity and duration of her behaviors are far beyond what any healthy child would do.

After watching the entire series of videos and reading a couple books we began our therapy at home. We knew that it was going to take a complete change in our life style. In Prema's situation she looked like an 8 year old, but was only emotionally functioning like an infant. She did not trust our authority at all; for the adults she loved and trusted before hurt her. She constantly was wanting attention almost always being extremely clingy. She would hug anyone she saw for the first time. She was not able to regulate her moods always becoming overstimulated. She was extremely hypervigilant always trying to figure out what was happening in order to protect herself. Until we started therapy it was like a wild animal had been let out of a cage. She was constantly touching everything, picking Isaac up and trying to carry him, falling all over the place, wetting her pants, and not able to sit still.

One year later we are not where we thought we would be, but we have made progress. We thought that Prema would be "healed". I am not competely sure what I envisioned a "healed" Prema would be. I can guess that there were visions of love, obedience, joy, fun, and "normal" family life. And so for the hope of those dreams we began the journey of healing. twice a week therapy sessions, endless books and tapes about new parenting strategies, conferences and research of additional options (Brain Gym, Play therapy, vitamin supplements, Neurofeedback, etc). rewatching Nancy Thomas videos. countless changes in plans. homeschooling. hours and hours and hours of discussions about "what went wrong just then", "how could it have been done different", "is this even working", "is this even worth it" , "how much more can we endure" ,etc. A year later we still struggle with intense anger, disappointment, and grief for the past, present, and future of things not "normal". We wonder if there will ever be a "healed" Prema and now a "healed" Cullum family.

But...unlike a year ago we do have a daughter that has been tamed. She can sit still and learn when she wants to. She can communicate with us. She is choosing to obey a good majority of the time. She is asking for hugs, head massages, and cuddle time with mom. She no longer hugs strangers and even looks at mom to see if she can talk to them. She asks for permission to play with things, touch things, etc most of the time. She helps around the house. And most importantly, she is beginning to love us and we are beginning to love her.

5 comments:

Carrie said...

I could almost cry when I read this post. I just cannot imagine the level of WORK life must sometimes feel that it holds. We think of you guys often, and I pray that life in the coming years holds a level of joy even greater than the level of difficulty it holds now. I have a lot of respect for you guys.

djp375 said...

Reading this bog makes me sad too, but I know how far Prema has come through your due diligence. It is good to hear that you think she has made some strides attaching to the family and following rules and that her behavior has improved.

I know how much this had affected your whole family and how it will affect the rest of your lives.

Sister John Rose always says that God does not give you nore than we can handle, Sometimes I think she is crazy.

Prema was a very lucky girl to have found you and Kyle and your family who have made the committment to her needs and being strong enough to follow through on those needs.

God Bless All of you
Love
Mom

djp375 said...

I forgot to say what a cute picture of Prema. She looks so cute in that color and her smile is just great.

Sandy said...

Thank you for remembering and recounting once again where you have been and where you are now. Tears came as I read it and remembered with you.

So many times these past 3 years as I have watched you both spend enormous amounts of time, money, and physical, mental, and emotional energy into bringing one who is so broken into the midst of your marriage and your family, I have thought, "THIS IS WHAT LOVE IS. Beyond the attraction and idealism of "new love", this daily, hourly, moment by moment choice to keep trying, keep listening to one another in the midst of anger and pain, keep spending your money on tests, treatments, and therapies, keep helping one another in endless tasks, keep working to resolve conflicts brought to the surface by brokenness, keep forgiving, keep risking more pain and loss by investing everything you are, and have in each other and in these children ...THIS IS LOVE."

Though I still don't understand it, I have seen and felt the inter-connectedness of faith, hope,love, and suffering as never before.

Your lives together are showing me the simple truth of Jesus' words about our treasures and our hearts - how what we spend our time, money, and energy on, not only demonstrates, but also BECOMES what we value the most.

When the moments and days come when you think you have wasted your lives, that you have so little to show for all you have invested, remember this: we are reading your life story and your story is showing us what Love is.

Thank you.

Kristin said...

i say amen to sandy's post. i am sitting here crying. some because i hurt for you and your family and yet i also know how amazing and beautiful and right and powerful taking prema into your family is.
you said "Yes". a kingdom Yes and you are eternally affecting the kingdom of God for not just prema and your family but so so so so many people that you will meet along the way, all the people youwould of never met because prema wasn't in your life. you are an advocate and an example of love. you are my hero......in an unidealistic real way.
miss you guys so much.
love you
keen