One day during rest time Prema decided that she would destroy a cassette tape. The tape happened to be a book on tape from the library. Now dare ask why a deaf child has a book on tape in her room during rest time...that would be mom's fault for not removing it and Prema's curiosity and desire to explore the object to not draw my attention to the fact that it was in the library book boxes. When I discovered the cassette after rest time I started to attempt to rewind it for her. As I became frustrated with the task I decided Prema would learn nothing from me mom fixing her mistake. I recalled the proper thing to do in Reactive Attachment Therapy/ Parenting : make it her concern and her problem to fix. Prema does not have the ability to rewind the cassette herself, but she can do extra chores to earn money to pay the library for a new cassette or the wage for a librarian assistant to do the job. We determined that she needed $10 to cover the cost. Over the course of a couple weeks she pulled weeds, cleaned bathrooms, scrubbed floors and dusted. We payed her minimum wage for each chore based on how long it would take us to complete the task (this idea came from RAD parenting techniques and works great---you can never over pay and really helps you decide what is fair).
On Monday Prema had collected all ten dollars. Tuesday morning we went to the library to return the book and cassette. Prema gave them her $10 dollars and handed over the book and cassette. A bit later the librarian tracked us down and gave us back the book and tape explaining to me that she was informed that we now owned them since they would need to order new books. As I bounced fussy Eli on my hip and checked on Prema to make sure she didn't interact inappropriately with the librarian I graciously took the book and tape and placed it in our stroller to take home. As I drove home I wondered what I was thinking taking the book and cassette back. What is Prema thinking now? Hopefully I didn't destroy a valuable lesson. Prema may now think we destroy things only to pay for them and own them.
This lesson was the first time we could really see restitution really work as we have heard in RAD therapy. Each time we reminded Prema of why she was working she was willing to work. And when she returned the cassette she looked ashamed as I explained the incident and then at peace as she handed over her hard earned money. As Prema continues to deal with her anger, sadness and fear related to her abondonment and adoption she continues to destory things, hurt people and make people mad. As she begins to form her conscience knowing her behavior is unacceptable she needs ways to reconcile the damage and hurts in order to allow herself to heal and move on. If damage or hurts are left without restitution they only continue to add to her psyche of low self esteem and unworthy of love.
Little brother Isaac is also learning from Prema's mistakes. The other day when he damaged something he told us he needed to work now for money. He went to Prema's chore chart and told us he was going to go and make the bed. We advised him that he is showing his cards a little too much (telling us how much he undestands and knows) and that he doesn't fully understand yet how easy life is for him and he might wish to keep his knowlege a little low key before expectations become equal to that of Prema's.
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