Where Have I Been?

I've been a blogging slacker. To be honest I haven't gotten too much done besides watching and playing with my kids and trying to keep the house somewhat organized.

random updates:

Kyle started remodeling the kids' bathroom 2 weeks ago. He has been working every weekend and just about every night on the project. Our roof was leaking where the AC duct came in from the outside so the project included switching the placement of the AC handler with the toilet. Thus he had to cut into the floor and change the piping. His dad and brother Sam have been a huge help! We are very grateful. I tried to help one night climbing into the space between the roof and ceiling to help Kyle put insulation there. I wasn't strong enough to keep my weight only on the 2x4s so Kyle (the stud) did it all and i just stayed on a few boards near the opening feeding him the insulation.

Kyle has also been VERY busy at work. So far they have sufficient work considering the economy. Everyone has been bidding just about anything they can to make sure they have enough work in the future.

I have been super busy as well. They kids and daily chores of course keep me busy. I also have been busy with the Adoption Support Group. With the help of a friend I got a website and discussion board set up. I am still learning how to add other things to the website. check it out As I come in contact with more families raising their adoptive child with attachment issues I have also been consulting with families more often. Recently Prema's school asked for my assistance with a new student.

This week I started my first "green thumb" project since living in this house. My mother in law has a true "green thumb" so up to this point given that I have been either very pregnant or with a toddler at the time of spring I have asked her to help with the planting. This year I decided to try some things on my own. I've planted some new plants and patched up the lawn with plugs this weekend. Now the true test: will they grow.

Prema turned 10 years old yesterday (legally). She is doing quite well. Prema now has 2 friends whom she invited over to our house yesterday for her party. They played and ate for about 3 hours. It was nice to see her celebrating her day with friends never feeling left out of conversations, etc. Tonight Kyle and I are taking her to an Indian restaurant.

In school Prema is doing very well. She is now reading at a beginning first grade level and doing simple addition of one digit numbers. Almost all of the reports from school with regard to her behavior are good. She has just started spelling tests so we'll see how fast she can retain words. Her language is still not fluent and she is not understanding questions so this will severely limit her abilities if she doesn't improve. We can understand the language she does have a lot better.

Prema's adenoid surgery was on Monday. She did great and there were no complications. She has only complained of a pain a little bit this week. The worst part is her breath. It is potent. We've been told she can have bad breath for up to 3 weeks. The smell is so bad we have every window in the house open and I still get a gag reflex when she is close to me. It is horrible to eat the same table with her.

Isaac is busy busy busy and loud loud loud. He is always talking or singing even with made up words. Some of his words sound like bad words. One of his favorites is "dicky docky". As I write he is shouting at the top of his lungs "grace grace of your Lord." He loves numbers. He is often asking a math problem. "How many people are in the house right now?" "How many will be here when the boys leave?" Isaac has also been having more play dates. He LOVES to play. If you try to sit him down to do anything "academic" he refuses. He only wants to play so we don't push anything. You're only a kid once, might as well play while you can. He is very excited for his 4th birthday on April 1st.

Eli is at an AWESOME stage. He is talking, using tons of new words every day. The minute he hears a word he gives it a try. Eli is also at the place where he copies anything his older brother does. Isaac and Eli are always playing together. It works out well for now because Eli will do anything Isaac tells him to do including give up his toys. Most of the time you hear Isaac asking Eli a question and Eli will say "ya". Eli has caught onto pretend playing really fast since he has Isaac to model and play with him.

We think we have dodged the ear tubes with Eli. We heard about taking kids to a chiropractor for ear infections. We didn't want to do the ear tubes at all so we decided to give it a try. I know some of you are thinking how could you possibly take your child to a chiropractor to have them man handled, but it is very different than you think. There were some x rays to determine if he was out of a-line. Then ll the doctor does based on some measurements from the x ray is tap with an instrument a few times behind one of Eli's ear. We've visited 4 times once a week and have one more visit. Right before we went to see the chiropractor for the first time Eli saw the ENT the same day. The ENT reported tons of fluid in both ears. Two weeks later Eli got a cold and the flu and the pediatrician reported fluid but no infection. Every time in the past when he has gotten a cold he has gotten an infection. Since that check he has not had an infection at all!!! So I believe the chiropractor has helped.

I think that is it for now.

Adenoid Surgery in Future

I took Prema to the ENT last Friday. The doctor took one look at the x-ray and a quick glance up her nose, in her ears and mouth and told me she needed her adenoids removed. Her surgery is scheduled for Monday March 16. It is 20 min outpatient surgery. She will be able to do whatever afterwards but is going to feel like she has a cold for at least a week.

She has told us some traumatic things about a hospital visit in India. The only hospital visit we know about from that time was when she had her adenoids removed the first time. She recalls peeing the bed and the nurse yelling at her and the IV pulling out and bleeding. So hopefully she won't be too scared this time and will feel safe so we don't have any behaviors develop.

What Happens When You Spend All Night At Choir Practice

Your husband gets on and posts things that you were hoping to post about...That's right.
The news is Prema has actually started to tell us some stuff about being back in India. She remembers eating pizza with Michelle and Kristin when Michelle first went to get her and playing on the roof of the orphanage. There are some other things that she has told Michelle also, and in true Prema style she has mixed in some obvious and total fabrications just for our enjoyment.
This is great because maybe one day we will find out enough to have a real story of what has happened to her....but I'm not really sure that I actually want to know.
BTW the picture is right after I yanked a really loose baby tooth recently.

Another Doctor

We got the results from Prema's x-ray. Her adenoids have grown back. In January of 2005 her medical records show that she had the removed in India while she was in care of the orphanage. Our pediatrician says that if you don't get all the tissue when you operate they can regenerate just like a lizards tail. The x-ray is showing they are present and somewhat enlarged but we won't know the real story until we visit the ENT. In the past 2.5 years for Prema:

Pediatrician - same as any kid
Neurologist- included an EEG for seizures (no seizures detected) and MRI at hospital for brain damage information (non detected)
Genetics- nothing discovered, but ruled out Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
Orthopedic- Shriner's Hospital provides Prema with orthotics for balance problems
Physical Therapy (private and school)
Attachment Therapy (LMHC)- 2 years of visits and finally done
Neurofeedback specialist - 1.5 years of sessions and soon will be done
Oral Surgeon- tooth removed in hospital
Dentist
Orthodontist- starting braces in one year
Pediatric Optometrist- no sight problems at this time
Occupational Therapy (school)
Speech/ Language (school)
X-rays several times for several things
A lot of Lab tests
Hearing Tests

Each time we go to a new specialist/ medical facility it is always very interesting. Prema is a bit of an anomaly in the medical field. The people have never had any experience with a profoundly deaf child, adopted later in life, severely neglected, and with no history until her arrival at the orphanage. We've gotten recommendations to give up and stop putting any effort into her because her brain is the size of a 14 month old baby and can't do that much to lots of encouragement to keep doing anything we can because the prognosis of her achievements is unknown. We've met some incredible people along the years who are willing to do whatever they can to help us. And thankfully we have extremely supportive family living close by to help watch the boys during or accompany us to appointments so I can focus on everything the doctors/ specialists are telling me.

I keep you updated on our ENT visit. We are scheduled for February 3rd. Hopefully this is the last specialist for a few years.

Why I Haven't Posted

So as you can tell it has been a while since my last post. Of course you can assume busy times with the holidays and raising 3 kids. All of this is true.

We had a wonderful Christmas.
Our church was in the midst of a "facelift" from the last week of October until Christmas Eve morning. We decided to move our altar from the north end of the worship space to the south end and spruce things up a bit. With Kyle (Florida Electrical Service) in charge of the electrical for the project, Isaac and Prema performing in the Christmas Eve nativity, and I signing in the choir; we spent a lot of time the week before Christmas at church. The unveiling of the new sanctuary was on Christmas Eve and it was beautiful. Every did an awesome job putting in a lot of extra hours to make it all happen from the construction all the way to the music and decorations. Isaac was the Drummer Boy and did an awesome job at 2 performances and Prema signed "We Three Kings" at one performance on Christmas Eve.

Christmas Morning we boarded a plane and traveled to Wisconsin for Christmas with my family. We spent 4 days enjoying the snow and spending time playing with aunts, uncles, cousins, and Grandma and Grandpa. It was the first time our kids had seen snow and played in it. Eli hated it, and only wanted to eat it. Prema and Isaac loved it, but Prema was not the smartest when it came to keeping herself warm while playing. She would pull off her mittens and play in the snow with bare hands later to come inside crying about how sore her hands were. Kyle and I enjoyed watching the kids in the snow but we didn't like the whole production of getting them ready to play or the cold itself. Needless to say we were quite happy to come back to sunny Florida on the 30th.

Since then we've been busy with the daily routines. Prema is back at school. The boys and I have enough to keep us busy during the day with playing and keeping the house relatively clean and smoothly running. I had the chance to ride my new road bike once with Kyle and loved it. We've also been on some fun family adventures. Kyle's parents and I took Prema and Isaac to the Barnum and Bailey Circus in Tampa. The next week Kyle and I took the kids to Planet Jump with some friends (a warehouse filled with blow up bouncing things). This weekend we took the kids to "Touch a Truck and Clown Day" at our local park.

The other thing that has been keeping my busy are my New Year's Resolutions. I have a list posted on my kitchen cupboard which contains 10 things. Some are daily must do's and others are a one or two time thing but will take a lot of work to make it happen. This list can be daunting at times when other things take priority, but I persevere.

My hope is that I will load my pics from Christmas until now soon and post them on here too.

Venting Thoughts

As I sit at the computer waiting Prema out while she throws her third tantrum this week (which could last a few hours), I will try to ignore her by venting some frustrations over the past month. The boys are sleeping.

I am not sure if I've become more sensitive to the way people interact with kids simply because I have kids or because of trying to help Prema heal from Reactive Attachment Disorder. I am becoming increasingly concerned for our youth and mad at society for the way adults interact with children. I am not sure if the way adults are behaving is changing or if it is a concern I have because of the way many children are being raised.

some examples:

This month I was in the store with both boys holding onto the sides of the stroller. A worker from the store came up to Eli (1 year old) and took his hand and said "Come with me" and took a few steps away from me. I was in shock at the time so she may have said more words that made it sound like a joke, but I am positive she never said anything like "you're so cute, I'd love to just take you home." as I've heard in the past from some adults. Instead, the woman literally was acting like she was going to take him. Eli looked at me and then pulled his hand away from her refusing to go. I am almost positive she was "playing" but WHAT IN THE WORLD KIND OF JOKE IS THIS. It wasn't funny to me.

That same day, that same store Isaac was being disrespectful to me (a common thing these days as he tries to claim his independence) while we were checking out. The cashier started saying "if you're going to keep being naughty Santa's not going to come to your house". WHAT RIGHT DOES SHE HAVE TO THREATEN MY CHILD? Isaac stopped his fit and thought quietly for a moment and replied "We don't do Santa". So I left it at that...his behavior changed and maybe she learned a little lesson in holding her tongue.

Today at the dentist, one of the women continued saying "That's my girl/boy" to each of my kids respectively. After Prema had her tooth pulled (a 2 minute ordeal in which over half was numbing the area) they wanted to hug her. We have a rule due to RAD that Prema is only allowed to hug Kyle and myself...so I am really over sensitive about this. But my thoughts were...YOU ONLY SEE MY CHILD TWICE A YEAR FOR 20 MINUTES, YOU BARELY KNOW HER AND SHE BARELY KNOWS YOU...PLEASE STOP TREATING HER AND TALKING TO HER LIKE SHE IS PART OF YOUR FAMILY WHEN REALLY YOU ARE PRETTY MUCH A STRANGER TO HER.

I guess my vent is... in a world where more and more kids are being abducted, abused, neglected, not getting lots of time from parents, etc. Children are needing boundaries more than ever. In wanting to become more CHILD FRIENDLY we have lost a lot of what used to make our world safe for our children. Boundaries have been lost everywhere. How do our children learn safe boundaries that protect themselves when people besides their immediate/ extended family and school are hugging them, calling them 'theirs', stepping outside their role in the child's life (i.e. threatening my child about Santa when I am in the disciplinarian role), etc.


thoughts?

And More Update

Isaac marching Bob the Builder on the bandstand

Prema performing at Deaf Extravaganza...she paid attention and signed the whole thing!!!!

Eli wearing Native American hat for Thanksgiving.

Sandy and Amber wearing turkey hats for Thanksgiving dinner.

Isaac wearing pilgrim hat for Thanksgiving dinner.